Marriage Helps

For Christians, marriage problems are spiritual problems. The home is not God centered when there is a constant struggle in the home. The good news is that God’s burden is light and He can fix your marriage if you are willing to place Him in the center, either for the first time or again. It doesn’t take much work to see big results, but the couple must be willing to be uncomfortable through the process. Remember, if nothing changes, then nothing changes. Get out of the comfort of the flesh and ignite or reignite the spiritual life in the home.

A Truce: 1. a temporary cessation or suspension of hostilities by agreement of the opposing sides; an armistice; 2. A respite from a disagreeable state of affairs; 3. An intermission of hostilities; specifically, a temporary cessation or suspension of hostilities mutually agreed upon by the commanders of two opposing forces, generally for some stipulated period, to admit of negotiation, or for some other purpose.

Take the first week to make up your minds to stop fighting. Agree to stop the war and call a truce in your marriage. Tell each other why you married them. Hold on to the good in your marriage in your mind this week. Ignore the problems for the first week.

Spend ten minutes a day working on putting God first in your marriage. To help facilitate this, read one chapter of the Bible together each day, which will not involve much time. Begin with Ephesians. Chapter five of Ephesians takes three minutes and 22 seconds to read. We have time for what we make time for; make it a habit.

Note: If you have not prayed and read the Bible together in the home, it will be uncomfortable at first. It will quickly subside however. Things will change around a month of daily practice. Embrace the change.

1. Five minutes: read a chapter or two of the Bible each day. It doesn’t take much time to have a healthy marriage. You have five minutes a day to read the Bible.
2. Five minutes: pray together each day. Wife pray for the husband, and husband pray for the wife.

Making this simple commitment may change your marriage completely for the rest of your lives.

You may want to do another devotional time with your family. Do this after mom and dad have re-centered their relationship on Jesus.

Confession

In our nature, we want to point fingers at others for the things in our lives that are problematic. Eve pointed to Satan, Adam pointed to God! Break this sinfulness.

Now begin to focus on what you are doing to cause problems in the marriage. Here is not the time to say, “She is more at fault!” The problems in your marriage may stem from the actions from one person 90% of the time; however, the 10% the other is causing is also having a big impact on what is going on. Begin to focus on you! So in the daily prayer time that you are already doing, confess each day what sins you committed against your spouse.

Compliment

Also, in the daily prayer time that you are already doing, look your spouse in the eyes and tell them something that you appreciate about them.

Remember this: you are on the same team. You are supposed to be “one flesh.” That means you are supposed to be unsplittable as you face the world’s problems and raise your children. That means when you face difficulties and problems in your marriage, you must be able to discuss and work together to solve your issues.

Now would be a good time to remember God’s instructions to each spouse:

For the wife: Ephesians 5:22-24, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

For the husband: Ephesians 5:25-27, Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Usually, problems are more about the way they were handled more so than the problem itself. Therefore, approaching problems in a step-by-step process is the best approach to making sure the focus is on the problems and not the people. This approach should help keep emotions at bay. Take a sheet of paper out and follow these steps below:

1. Set the time and place for a discussion. Let the person know that you want to bring up something that is important. Plan for a time to talk when things are not crazy in the home (e.g., when things are quiet, after the kids are in bed, etc.)
2. Read a few Bible verses that may pertain to the problem. Click here for some verses that may help.
3. Hold hands and pray for your attitude to honor God as you discuss the problem.
4. Affirm: "We are on the same team."
5. Define the problem. Don’t be defensive! If needed, explain the problem by starting with “I feel …”. The reason one may need to start a sentence with “I feel” is because you are stating a fact from your perspective. People often disagree about things, problems, and solutions. What cannot be taken from another is how one feels when their spouse acts a certain way. Example: “I feel belittled when you ‘pick at me’ in public.” The other person needs to repeat what was said. (Do not skip this step.) Example: “You feel like I am not respecting you when I joke about you in public.”
6. List the ways each person contributes to the problem. Examine only yourself here.
7. List past attempts to solve the problem.
8. Write down possible ways to solve the problem. Do not make fun of any possible solution. List several solutions or possible solutions.
9. Discuss the possible solutions.
10. Agree what each one will do to solve the problem. Notice the “each one” in the previous sentence.
11. Meet again for follow-up if needed.
(adapted from Prepare Enrich, “Conflict Resolution”)

1. Target stubborn problems with the Bible verses that apply: click here. Keep reading the verses and ask God to soften your heart towards the problems and look for solutions with your spouse.
2. Buy a 1 Corinthians 13 “Love Passage” room decor item and hang it in the living room (example here and here). Point at it when necessary. Let the Bible verses hold each person accountable. Teach the passages to your kids.

1. If you have applied yourself to these simple things then you are already making progress.
2. It’s a date night. Go out and have some fun together again. Make sure you are taking time for yourselves. Put things on your calendars that will help you to spend quality time with each other.